Dear Lara, I met this lady, but like her friend more..
Question: I recently met a nice lady, Lily, and she subsequently brought her friend, Rose, along when we hungout. During the course of the day and subsequent interactions with them however, I realized I had a lot more in common with Rose, and am now more attracted to her.
How do I proceed without hurting Lily’s feelings, and also without missing a potential life mate in Rose. – A tale of two ladies
Answer: This is a dicey one, as hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, especially considering the two ladies are friends. Eventually however, the points to consider are; 1) How close they both are to each other, 2) How noble your intentions truly are, 3) How far gone you are with Lily, and 4) Whether there are signs that your feelings for Rose are mutual.
Firstly, there really is no way to go ahead with Rose without hurting Lily’s feelings, especially if they are close, and if you have had multiple dates with Lily.
However, whether or not you go ahead with Rose, I would advise you don’t lead Lily on, as it already spells doom for any potential relationship you both might have had, if your interest could already start wavering at the first sign of a distraction.
You should also be aware that even if your feelings towards Rose are mutual, you could still lose both ladies, especially if they are close friends, as Rose’s loyalty would more likely lie with her friend, Lily, than with you.
In the event that you strongly believe the attraction to Rose is mutual and, after a candid assessment of your intentions, you decided to go ahead with her, the matured thing to do is to bring it up with Lily first, possibly in a lighthearted, hypothetical way, to gauge her reaction to the possibility of you and her friend, Rose being an item. You should both be alone of course, as I am already starting to wonder why Rose was always tagging along in the first place.
Watch Lily’s reaction closely. Not only what she says (as she might say yes, but mentally say Heck, No!), but also those little unspoken expressions, and make your move accordingly. The important thing is to maintain a lighthearted atmosphere which would afford you the opportunity to laugh it off thereafter if she doesn’t appear too pleased about it (Note: she would invariably know you meant it).
Be aware though that there is a strong chance of losing them both, and creating enmity between the two friends, and also between yourself and Lily, so you really should consider if it would be worth taking that chance.
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